When foster carers Karen and Graham’s three children had grown up and flown the nest, space opened up.
Not just physical space, but the emotional and mental space to consider fostering, something they had been thinking about for many years.
Prompted by a flier which came through the door, the couple decided to get the ball rolling.
Karen explained, “We always had fostering in the back of our minds due to our own backgrounds. My mum was brought up in a children’s home and then fostered back in the 1930s and 40s, and, while things were very different back then, I understood the concept of being looked after. I was also acutely aware that, had it not been for that system, I wouldn’t be here today, nor would my own children. Graham’s dad also worked in the care sector so, again, he was familiar with the system and understood that some children just needed a bit of help as they grow up. All children and young people deserve a place where they feel safe, valued, and understood and having that isn’t just a comfort, it can be life-changing.”
So, as their own children reached adulthood, and with their blessing, the couple decided to take the plunge.
Initially working with a different agency, they welcomed a teenager who required temporary care due to problems at home. He ultimately returned home. They then welcomed a 13-year-old girl who lived with them until she was 19, followed by two siblings, one of whom ended up staying for six years.”
At present, the couple are looking after a 13-year-old girl who is settling well.
So why do they foster?
Karen explained, “Young people come into care for so many reasons and it’s so rewarding to support them through that. While it can be challenging at times, we have always loved the teenage phase, it’s where our strength lies and we feel we can add more to this age group. Supporting teenagers can be challenging for foster carers, but we gain a lot from nurturing young people within that age group. And, while it’s upsetting when they move on to independence, as it is if you have your own children, it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of the rest of their life. They are ready to go, to be independent. That’s our job at the end of the day, to prepare them for adulthood. We feel we are doing what we were meant to do, and it’s a wonderful privilege to have an impact on a young person’s life and empower them to be themselves, move on and fulfil their potential.”
However, for Karen and Graham, fostering only works with the right agency. When the couple no longer felt ‘at home’ with their previous fostering organisation, it was time to move on.
Moving on
Karen explained, “We had been with the same agency for 10 years when we no longer felt at home with them. Our values just weren’t aligned anymore. We are here to fight our young person’s corner and we didn’t always feel supported in that. We had friends who fostered through Carolina House Trust, so we made inquiries and started the process of moving. Some people think that, if you change your fostering organisation, you have to give up the young person you are supporting. This isn’t true. We would never have moved if that were the case.
“As we started exploring the culture of Carolina House Trust, we realised that we agreed on the things that we had been loggerheads on with our last agency. The transition was fairly straightforward, and we learnt so much about each other through the process. The social worker gathering the information also became our supervising social worker, which brought that continuity.
Community makes a difference
“As well as the depth of experience they bring, the organisation is much more intimate. Everyone knows each other. It feels like we’re singing from the same hymn sheet, which can only be the right thing for the young people in our care.
After a six-month transition, Karen and Graham have now been with Carolina House Trust for two years.
Karen continued, “For us, it’s the sense of community that makes the difference. As well as the monthly coffee mornings and the huge choice of training courses open to us, there are lots of community events and social occasions that both we and our young people can enjoy. What’s even more wonderful is that our own grandchildren are now invited to events like the Christmas parties. It really is one big family, our extended family.”
Tackling myths
Of course, despite Karen and Graham’s love for what they do, they recognise the barriers to fostering, including the myths that surround it.
“Some people have preconceived ideas about the rules around working. While Graham has now retired, I’ve continued my part-time job throughout but have always had flexibility. For us, it was important that the young people see ‘normal life’ and understand that most people work, in some form or another.
“Other people assume it’s long-term fostering or nothing, whereas there are lots of opportunities to support with short breaks and holidays, or emergency cover. It’s important for people to see that, while some things are set in stone, there’s also flexibility for fostering to fit around modern life.
“We learn so much from the young people in our care, whether it’s cultural differences, the day-to-day experiences of neurodivergent children or experiencing a new hobby with them. At the end of the day, we all want young people to be happy and successful in whatever way works for them. It’s wonderful to be part of that journey, and for them to pop back and stay in touch in the months or years ahead!”
Learn more about fostering with Carolina House Trust.